Hey Anindya, why do people cheat? And how can you prevent it from happening?
(Listia, 35 tahun, manajer)

Hi Listia, Well, everyone has their own definition of cheating. Some think that even kissing is considered cheating, while others engage in intense chatting through apps, and some see sexual relationships as the defining factor. But of course, all of these actions are not with your partner. Basically, being attracted to someone outside of our relationship is normal, even in happy relationships. The important thing is to understand how far someone’s fantasies go and whether they actually act on their impulses and take the risk of being interested in someone else.

The important thing is to understand how far someone’s fantasies go and whether they actually act on their impulses and take the risk of being interested in someone else.

Well, everyone has their own definition of cheating. Some people think that even kissing is considered cheating. Others engage in intense chats through apps, and some believe that sexual relationships determine whether cheating is happening or not. But, of course, all these things are done with someone other than your partner. Essentially, it’s normal to be attracted to other people outside of our relationship, even in happy relationships. The key is understanding how far someone’s fantasies go and if they actually act on their impulses and take the risk of being interested in someone else.

If you’re considering or even already involved in cheating, maybe you understand the following reasons that cheaters feel:

If you’re thinking about or already involved in cheating, maybe you understand why cheaters feel the way they do:

1. When an affair starts, someone doesn’t immediately fall in love with their affair partner. Actually, a cheater has already “fallen in love” with the fantasy they’ve created about someone who can fulfill their own needs.

2. In the early stages of an affair, a cheater will feel incredibly carried away by happiness. Just getting a little positive feedback can make someone feel infatuated, not necessarily with the person themselves, but with the happy feeling of being admired by that person. 

3. Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship. This is the most commonly cited reason by cheaters. Both men and women who cheat hope that having sex outside the relationship will improve their sexual satisfaction. However, the reality often doesn’t match their expectations.

4. Desire for new sexual experiences. Many cheaters initially don’t want to admit to this reason because they’re afraid of being seen as bad. However, some do admit it because they want to be considered “popular” or “adventurous.”

5. Not getting enough emotional satisfaction in your primary relationship. Seeking emotional intimacy is also a reason why someone may cheat. People who seek emotional closeness in an affair feel like they lack a psychological connection with their main partner. Sometimes, the emotional bond in a relationship can weaken over time, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction and disconnection. When individuals feel emotionally neglected or unfulfilled by their partner, they may seek validation and emotional support outside the relationship. This desire for emotional intimacy and connection can drive them towards an affair, where they hope to find the emotional satisfaction they crave.

People who seek emotional closeness in an affair feel like they lack a psychological connection with their main partner.

6. Craving emotional validation from others. Feeling valued is a crucial factor in any emotional relationship. Who doesn’t enjoy constant praise or feel happy when someone shows interest in them? When individuals feel emotionally detached from their primary partner, they often fail to acknowledge this need and seek it elsewhere. Yearning for emotional validation from others can lead individuals to seek affairs as a means of filling the emotional void in their lives. They may engage in relationships outside their primary partnership, hoping to find the emotional validation and appreciation they desire.

7. Seeking revenge for being cheated on. In troubled relationships, the desire to hurt a partner who has cheated (or is perceived as having cheated) can drive the victim of infidelity to engage in affairs as well.
When trust is broken and betrayal occurs, it can create feelings of anger, resentment, and a desire to seek revenge. In such cases, individuals may view cheating as a way to get back at their partner and inflict the same pain they have experienced.

In troubled relationships, the desire to hurt a partner who has cheated (or is perceived as having cheated) can drive the victim of infidelity to engage in affairs as well.

8. Curiosity and a desire for new experiences. This motivation goes beyond mere curiosity and is seen as a challenge to measure one’s sexual prowess. Competitions in areas like work or sports may feel inadequate. Cheating is seen as a way to spice things up and embark on new, exciting experiences. For some individuals, the monotony and routine of a long-term relationship can lead to a desire for novelty and adventure. They may see an affair as an opportunity to explore new sexual experiences, seeking thrills and excitement that they feel are lacking in their current relationship.

It’s important to note that these motivations for cheating are not justified or acceptable excuses for betraying a partner’s trust. Open communication, addressing underlying issues, and seeking professional help can be healthier alternatives to infidelity when faced with these challenges in a relationship.