Hi Nindya, I recently moved to a new job a few months ago and I’m having difficulty building positive relationships and a pleasant working environment with my colleagues. Two weeks ago, I found out that there was gossip going around about me from my previous workplace, saying that I used to complain to my boss about my co-workers and that I would take credit for their work. This gossip is untrue, and it has made it challenging for me to work and it’s constantly on my mind. How can I overcome this situation?
(Linda, 34 years, manager)

Hi Linda, gossip at the workplace, as you’re experiencing, can have negative effects on both yourself and your performance at work. Humans tend to pay more attention to negative information than positive information. For example, think about when you post something on social media. You may receive many sweet comments and supportive messages, but it’s that one hurtful or annoying comment that you tend to focus on, right?

Humans tend to pay more attention to negative information than positive information.

According to a study conducted by Stanford University, people tend to respond more seriously to negative gossip because it is perceived as a way to protect oneself. In your case, this becomes problematic as it tarnishes your reputation and can hinder your opportunities to showcase your abilities at work, leading to increased stress. The research also suggests that being kind and maintaining good work ethics does not make a person immune to jealousy and resentment from others.

Using emotional intelligence can help you navigate this unfavorable work situation and hopefully improve it. Here are some suggestions:

#Manage your negative emotions. The initial response you choose is an important first step. Many people initially respond to such situations with feelings of anger, anxiety, fear, or even helplessness. Especially when the gossip is untrue and you feel trapped in stress, try to calm yourself by taking a step back. Engage in activities like exercising, exploring new hobbies outside of work, or using any method that helps you reduce negative emotions. This will open up useful solutions.

When the gossip is untrue and you feel trapped in stress, try to calm yourself by taking a step back. Engage in activities like exercising, exploring new hobbies outside of work, or using any method that helps you reduce negative emotions.

#Expand your perspective. False gossip can feel unjust, causing you to lose sight of the bigger picture in your career. When you’ve regained your composure, ask yourself, “What does this job mean to me?” Is it an opportunity to grow stronger in the face of challenges? Is it just a means of earning a living? Or is there something else?

#Train yourself to love and forgive. In difficult situations like this, you may feel trapped in a dark room, finding it difficult to get out. This is where you need to enhance your ability to forgive and show compassion. It may sound weak or uncool, but it can be incredibly effective. When we forgive someone, we benefit the most. Forgiveness can improve one’s mental health and facilitate personal growth.

When you’ve regained your composure, ask yourself, “What does this job mean to me?”

#Create distance between yourself and the negative situation. Understand that this situation does not define you as a whole. The problem is not about you, but about someone else’s fear of their own position within the company. Many people act arrogantly, spread negative gossip, and ridicule others to protect their own vulnerabilities. While it cannot be denied that there are some people who deserve bad gossip, don’t let these thoughts consume you. It’s important to be honest with yourself and consider if there is any truth, even a small amount, in the gossip about you.

#Let time pass. As a victim of gossip, believe that time is on your side. You need to build a professional reputation within the organization, across various divisions. While an unwarranted act of sabotage may not be advantageous in the short term, it can be a valuable lesson in the long run to strengthen yourself. Furthermore, your actual performance that contradicts the gossip will enhance your integrity. Let your actions speak for themselves.

While an unwarranted act of sabotage may not be advantageous in the short term, it can be a valuable lesson in the long run to strengthen yourself.

#Focus on what you should be doing. We know that negative thoughts tend to stick, but research also shows that every day, we experience positive things too. You can enjoy what you do at work, feel grateful for your salary, or appreciate the values and benefits of the organization. You can direct your focus towards happiness derived from your family, friends, hobbies, sports, or volunteer activities.

#Remember that you are not alone in this. The most challenging aspect of going through a difficult experience like this is feeling alone in it. This behavior is actually chronic in many organizations. You are not alone in this situation. According to research in Industrial Psychology, organizations with good leadership create a more peaceful work environment for their employees. So, office gossip could be a reflection of larger organizational issues. Don’t hesitate to rise above it!