Many people want to constantly make those around them happy, and they will do whatever  asked of them by those around them. They always prioritize others before themselves. Some say that agreeing with others has become a habit. Some even find it very pleasing when they feel needed. This makes them feel important and like they’ve contributed to other people’s lives.

People-pleasers seek validation from outside themselves. Their sense of security and self-confidence is based on the approval of others. This happens because of a lack of self-esteem. They worry about how others will react if they say no. People don’t want to appear lazy, uncaring, selfish, or completely self-centered. They fear they won’t be liked and will be excluded from groups, whether they’re friends, family, or coworkers.

People-pleasers seek validation from outside themselves. Their sense of security and self-confidence is based on the approval of others.

What many people-pleasers don’t realize is that constantly trying to please others can have serious risks. It not only puts a lot of emotional pressure on you, but it can also make you exhausted to the point of getting sick from doing too much. You might lose sleep and become more anxious and irritable. You’ll also deplete your energy reserves. Worst of all, you may wake up feeling overwhelmed because you’ve overdone it and want to do everything for others.

The following tips may help you stop being a people-pleaser:

  1. Recognize that you have a choice. People who often feel they must say yes when someone asks for help often don’t realize it. Remember that you always have the option to say no.
  2. Set your priorities. Identify your priorities and values to help you apply the brakes when trying to please others. Find out when you feel comfortable saying no or saying yes. Ask yourself, “What is most important to me?”
    Find out when you feel comfortable saying no or saying yes.

     

  3. Slow down. Whenever someone asks for help, it’s good to say that you need to think about it first. This gives you a chance to consider whether you can commit to helping them. Ask yourself, “Do I have time for this? What will I sacrifice? How stressed will I be if I do it? Will I be disappointed in the person asking for help?” If the person needs an immediate answer, say no. By saying no, you’re actually giving yourself the option to say yes later, of course, if you realize you can do it.
  4. Set a time limit. If you agree to help, limit your availability. Let the person know that “I’m only available from 3 pm to 7 pm,” for example.
  5. Consider the possibility that you’re being manipulated. Sometimes, people genuinely take advantage of you, so it’s important to be cautious. How do you recognize them? Often, people who praise you will say things like, “You’re really good at baking, when will you make a cake for my child’s birthday?” It could also be: “No one does this better than you, so you should do it.” These people will persuade you to do something or try to tell you that you’re the right person to do it. Essentially, before you realize it, they’ve already made the decision for you.
    People need to feel heard and understood. This is a good way to understand both yourself and the other person while saying no.
  6. Say no with confidence. Saying no for the first time can be undoubtedly difficult. However, once you get through it, you’ll realize that you said no for a good reason. Everything we learn, we go through a process, so don’t be afraid to take small steps first.
  7. Use empathetic assertive statements. This means you can be firm while also empathizing with the other person’s situation. You can let them know that you understand even though you can’t help. People need to feel heard and understood. This is a good way to understand both yourself and the other person while saying no.
  8. Don’t over-explain. There’s no need to give lengthy explanations to justify your decision when saying no to someone so they understand your reasons. Once you start explaining, you’re actually giving others room to push you into changing your mind by saying, “Oh, you can do it later,” or “you can adjust your schedule.”
  9. No need to apologize excessively. People-pleasers tend to apologize repeatedly. Pay attention when you apologize and consider whether you’re truly at fault. Ask yourself if you’re responsible for the situation.
    Communicate your boundaries clearly. Say what you think and what you want.
  10. Remember that saying no has its benefits. You have the right to your time, and you need to rest. See saying no as an opportunity to allocate your time to what you value in your life. Don’t focus solely on the potential negatives that might occur.
  11. Set clear boundaries and follow through. We all have physical or emotional boundaries. Because of these limitations, we must set boundaries. Ask yourself what you want to do and don’t exceed those limits. Communicate your boundaries clearly. Say what you think and what you want.
  12. Realize that you can’t be everything to everyone. Even though you can make someone happy, realize that happiness and difficulties come and go. People who don’t say yes to everyone also realize that they can’t make others always happy.