“He is a person full of love and attention, someone I’ve known, but it seems like we are moving at different speeds, for instance, our desires to do things, when we need time together, with other people, and when we are alone. Maybe it’s the clash of our personalities, introvert vs. extrovert. However, I don’t deny that our trust, love, and communication are a great match. Nindya, can you help me to understand the differences in our personalities in a relationship?”
(Rose, 32 years old, supervisor)

In every human relationship, there are always differences. Whether with your friends, coworkers, siblings, or other family members. The same goes for when you’re in a romantic relationship.

Hi Rose, in every human relationship, there are always differences. Whether with your friends, coworkers, siblings, or other family members. The same goes for when you’re in a romantic relationship. Personality differences, like being introverted or extroverted, are perfectly normal. Can they live happily together? Why not? It’s important to realize, just like other aspects of a long-lasting relationship, that mutual respect, compromise, love, and empathy are essential. Here are some suggestions to help you understand your personality differences:

#1. Remember that introversion and extroversion have equal value. One isn’t better than the other; you’re just different. Once you recognize these differences, respect them in yourself and your partner. There’s no need to get angry, ignore your partner, feel guilty, or be ashamed of your differences. 

Differences can enhance your relationship’s closeness if you’re willing to work on them together, rather than seeing them as disruptions.


#2. Embrace the differences you both have. Think of it like Yin and Yang, striving for balance. Extroverted individuals can bring new people and horizons into your life, while introverts can create a peaceful space in your heart, mind, and relationship comfort. Differences can enhance your relationship’s closeness if you’re willing to work on them together, rather than seeing them as disruptions.
#3. Set socializing guidelines with your partner. For instance, if you prefer less social interaction, give your extroverted partner the freedom to socialize independently without guilt. And if you enjoy deep conversations with your friends, do you really need your partner there? Be flexible and create these guidelines for the benefit of your relationship, not just for your individual gain.

Communicate assertively, responsibly, and without complaining. This applies to extroverts too.


#4. It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone occasionally. Find the best way to handle situations with your partner, as you can’t avoid everything you dislike. Meeting new people might be easier if you’re doing something you enjoy, like attending a yoga class or an art gallery opening, rather than forcing small talk. You might feel better about attending a party if you and your partner agree on how long you’ll stay. Communicate assertively, responsibly, and without complaining. This applies to extroverts too.
#5. Understand how smartphones work in your relationship. Mobile phones can be a source of tension in a relationship. Discuss how you and your partner use your phones. For example, if you always mute your phone at home, but your extroverted partner wants to stay updated with notifications, have a heartfelt conversation about it.

Ensure that both of you get some alone time each day according to what you agree upon. Some solitude is important for everyone, especially introverts. You don’t need to apologize for this, but both of you should understand and be flexible about it.


#6. Negotiate quiet time. Ensure that both of you get some alone time each day according to what you agree upon. Some solitude is important for everyone, especially introverts. You don’t need to apologize for this, but both of you should understand and be flexible about it. For example, if your partner needs your full attention when dealing with a problem, you should be willing to provide it. If you have children, both of you should compromise on this together with your partner.