Actually, couple counseling can be done by anyone. For example, a parent with their child or siblings with each other. However, in Indonesia today, the most common couple counseling involves couples who are dating, pre-marital couples, or married couples.

For many couples, the idea of bringing in a third party into their relationship can be daunting – or even taboo. Yet mentally healthy couples are not hesitant to visit a psychologist and undergo counseling to help them understand issues in their relationship or marriage.

Couple counseling can be done by anyone. For example, a parent with their child or siblings with each other. However, in Indonesia today, the most common couple counseling involves couples who are dating, pre-marital couples, or married couples.

Here are some tips to help you decide if psychological counseling is right for you, how to talk to your partner about it, maximize your experience, and ensure it can succeed once you decide to do it:

  1. When is the right time to go to a psychologist together?
    Many people seek a psychologist when their emotional pain becomes too much to handle alone or when they face difficult realities and situations in their relationship that are hard to understand on their own. Some start looking for a psychologist when they begin to recognize negative patterns in their marriage. Psychologists offer ways to break these patterns, create change, and find something different in their partnership. It’s wise to seek help and guidance from a psychologist whenever you can’t find solutions to your problems, questions, or goals in your marriage after trying for at least six months without seeing the progress you desire.
    It’s wise to seek help and guidance from a psychologist whenever you can’t find solutions to your problems, questions, or goals in your marriage after trying for at least six months without seeing the progress you desire.
  2. We need therapy! But how do I get my partner involved?
    It’s not uncommon for one partner to be more motivated to seek counseling. One way to bring up the topic of counseling, especially if you’ve already had individual counseling, is to explain to your partner that their participation would be beneficial (for example, offering another therapist’s perspective). Make sure the place and atmosphere where you bring it up are relaxed. Speak calmly without interruptions, explain how you feel briefly, review what you’ve tried to do in the relationship, and explain that your next step is to see a psychologist. Don’t get angry or shout; keep it brief. Instead of focusing solely on your partner’s negative behaviors or blaming them, concentrate on positive hopes (“I want to laugh more and have fun with you… and counseling can help us do that.”)
    It’s not uncommon for one partner to be more motivated to seek counseling.
  3. How do we know if the psychologist can help us?
    Before making an appointment, you can ask initial questions about couple counseling via email to get an idea if they understand you. Trust your intuition! When you’re ready, contact the psychologist. Do you and your partner feel understood? Do you feel a connection with this psychologist? How does your partner feel about them? Do you believe the psychologist is capable of being honest and unbiased, meaning they can understand both of you, your perspectives, and your needs in the relationship? Can you imagine trusting them with your relationship, conditions, doubts, fears, etc.? Answers to these questions will guide you to find a suitable psychologist to help you.
    Counseling can work if you’re open to creating alternative interactions, reconnecting, and changing together with your partner.
  4. How do we know if couple counseling is really working for us?
    Once you start counseling, ensure you feel comfortable with the psychologist. Be honest, even when it’s difficult. Make sure the psychologist is genuinely involved, focused, and offers meaningful feedback. A psychologist should inform you if couple counseling isn’t helping and if you have individual issues that need to be understood and addressed first. If the psychologist allows you and your partner to shout at each other during sessions, this doesn’t promote a safe feeling (for both you and your partner). Counseling can work if you’re open to creating alternative interactions, reconnecting, and changing together with your partner. If you’re just doing counseling to prove you’re right to the psychologist, it won’t be beneficial for you and your partner. Psychologist help should assist in improving your personal relationship patterns and help you create a suitable relationship for both of you, whether considering separation or reconciliation; of course, the final decision lies with you both as a couple.