Who hasn’t experienced regret in their life, right? Hehe, almost everyone has, or perhaps still feels regret about the life choices they’ve made, or even when we didn’t make any choice, that can be a regret in itself. Here are some questions I’ve encountered about regret:

Regret is a negative emotional state that makes us blame ourselves for something bad that has happened. It can also result from feelings of loss or sadness about what might have been, or wishing we could undo previous choices or make different ones

Some people are genuinely confused about their own regrets. So, what is regret exactly?
Regret is a negative emotional state that makes us blame ourselves for something bad that has happened. It can also result from feelings of loss or sadness about what might have been, or wishing we could undo previous choices or make different ones. For many people, regret can be very painful, but it can also be a helpful emotion. The pain of regret can refocus us and drive us to take corrective action or try new approaches. However, the less chance someone has to change a situation, the more likely their regret can become a constant thought, leading to chronic stress that can harm our mental and physical health.

 

Are men and women different when it comes to regret?
Research on gender differences in regret shows that women tend to have more regrets about their romantic relationships. Women also have more difficulty letting go of thoughts about past relationships. Overall, 44% of surveyed women experienced romantic regret, compared to only 19% of men. This result may also reflect men’s tendency to quickly replace lost relationships with new partners. In this study, those who are not currently in a relationship tend to regret the past more.

For many people, regret can be very painful, but it can also be a helpful emotion.

Is regret useful?
Neal Roese, a researcher of regret behavior from Northwestern University, suggests from his research that regret is considered useful because its informational value can motivate a person to improve themselves. Interestingly, regret ranks highest among negative emotions in fulfilling five functions: (1) understanding the world, (2) avoiding negative behavior in the future, (3) gaining insight, (4) achieving social harmony, and (5) enhancing the ability to approach desired opportunities (perhaps because we regret our passive past).

 

Can regret have long-term effects on a person’s mental well-being?
Regret can have detrimental effects on the mind and body when it dominates our daily thoughts and when we continually blame ourselves to the point where we no longer enjoy life. This continuous and repetitive negative self-focused thinking can lead to depression and negatively impact mental health. Other research indicates that regret can lead to chronic stress, which negatively affects the immune system’s functioning. Regret also hampers the ability to recover from stressful life events.

Regret can have detrimental effects on the mind and body when it dominates our daily thoughts and when we continually blame ourselves to the point where we no longer enjoy life.

So, what can we do to deal with feelings of regret?
Try to leverage the functional aspects: Regret, like other emotions, serves the purpose of helping us survive. It’s our brain’s way of telling us to reconsider our choices. A common example is that regret is the primary reason addicts enter rehabilitation.

If there’s nothing you can do to change the situation, let it go: If you find yourself continuously blaming yourself or regretting past actions, this can turn into depression and harm your health. Find a way to forgive yourself and let it pass. Think about what you would say to a loved one in the same situation to make them feel better. Many people find it easier to forgive others than themselves.

Make sure not to blame yourself too much: Consider the circumstances in which you made it difficult for yourself to make good choices or the fact that your knowledge was limited at the time. Perhaps you had to make quick decisions under time pressure or had many stressors.

Reframe your self-situation more positively: See life as a journey. Everyone makes mistakes, and these can be opportunities to learn valuable lessons about yourself, how you react, your values, vulnerabilities, triggers of disappointment, and those around you.

Make sure not to blame yourself too much: Consider the circumstances in which you made it difficult for yourself to make good choices or the fact that your knowledge was limited at the time.