I want to ask Anindya, I have been dating several times. Every time I go through a relationship, I often feel anxious and afraid of losing my partner. Even though I have always loved my partner. I finally broke up, and I always had to go through the period after breaking up with a hard and very difficult time. How can I make my relationship last and not be anxious all the time? I’m afraid of breaking up again.
(Rita, 26 years old, entrepreneur)
having a feeling of worry is actually a very natural thing and everyone has and may be feeling that way. The feeling of worry arises when the negative thoughts we feel arise from feeling threatened with existing conditions as well as conditions that we anticipate. When we love someone and the thought of the possible loss of the person can indeed create high anxiety. One of them is appearing in the condition of cultivating a paired relationship: “What if he comes back with his ex-girlfriend?” , “Does he really love me huh?”, “He is serious about not ya with me?” and many other examples of anxiety that are often felt by the person in the pair.
Under certain conditions worries can make us solve problems, change our behavior patterns or we become more attentive to our partner. However, the excessive worry that arises constantly will weigh on us mentally. It is this excessive worry that often makes it difficult for a person to live his daily life. Many things can cause a person to have excessive anxiety. What are some of the yes that make a person have high anxiety in a paired state? Let’s take a look:
- Negative perceptions of oneself often make it difficult for a person to believe in his own ability to believe that our partner loves us or difficulty adapting to the changes that arise during the pairing period. For example: ” Do I not deserve to be loved?” , “Am I less beautiful ya koq decided huh?”.
- Perfectionist perception for oneself. The inability to see things is ‘less’ than our ideal view. For example: “He praises me less often, even though he knows I like to be praised, how can I put up with him?”
- Traumatic Experiences often involve one’s assumption that everything in life is foreseeable. When things beyond our expectations happen, our mind and body have a hard time balancing ourselves to estimate danger or difficulty understanding things rationally. This can happen due to childhood trauma, war trauma or trauma when you are an adult. For example: “My mother died when I was a child, it feels hard for me to love girls, how can she love me huh?”
- The erroneous belief that excessive anxiety will lead to something positive. For example: “I want to be prepared when facing a bad thing when it happens”. Spending time anxiously anticipating the worst things that will happen will only aggravate the anxiety, rather than if you prepare for the pluses and minuses that may occur.
The psychological impact of excessive anxiety will often only make it more difficult for us to solve problems, more susceptible to new problems, despair or fear of not being able to solve problems. It often ends up making a person become “worried about worries”. The physical impact of a person will be to often secrete stress hormones that cause difficulty sleeping, the immune system of the body decreases so that we are easily exposed to various diseases.
For couples life, it is also difficult to cultivate a relationship with someone who always feels excessively worried. Worries can infect a partner, when both experience excessive worry, the problem to be solved will instead become worse. Feel the paradox of life that when we are in love, we can be with him until the end of life, at once we can lose them at any time. This will be able to strengthen your view of pairing life.