When we think about romantic relationships in dating or in marriage life, maybe you feel like you MUST match the ways you believe and the relationship you have is not like that, you immediately feel frustrated. And feelings of frustration are often the destroyers of a relationship, which is related to a myth you already believe in. Are the myths below among those that you hold dear to the truth?
Myth 1: Jealousy is a sign of true love and affection.
Fact 1: Jealousy shows how well a person feels a person feels about the relationship they have. For example, if you have a jealous partner, you’ll probably try to show how much you love them so they won’t feel jealous anymore. Until it finally dawns on you that how much you show your affection can’t cure the jealousy they have. When you provide support to your partner, your partner should also try to fix the issue of insecurity and their own self-confidence.
Trying to make our partner jealous can also backfire on us. When the male and female feel jealousy, the reaction is different. Men can be so defensive or angry that they believe their relationship is meaningless. In women, the response that arises is to make excessive efforts to improve the relationship or themselves.
Myth 2: Hitting or insulting a partner is a natural thing to do because it’s the way the couple shows affection or maybe they are tired.
Fact 2: Getting over-angry by insulting using a condescending tone to the point of hitting is not a healthy thing in a relationship. Feelings of disappointment or anger in your partner are natural as long as they can be conveyed in an assertive way without overflowing anger. However, if great anger arises, it will instead be able to give rise to heartache and resentment towards the partner so that it can give rise to new problems.
Myth 3: It’s better to just shut up than to give your partner feedback or views if you end up just going to fight.
Fact 3: The thing that ruins a relationship is not whether or not there is a quarrel. Quarrels can be healthy and can be an important form of communication to fix problems. The way in which quarrels occur does have a role, no wonder that quarrels that are cynical, insulting and condescending to the point of not talking for days can actually damage a relationship.
Learning productive conflicts is a way that can help couples resolve quarrels by making joint resolutions to manage disputes and making preventive steps so that the same problems do not arise again in the future.
Myth 4: Having children will strengthen relationships or marriages.
Fact 4: Having children is an amazing experience that can change various aspects of our lives. But if a problem in your relationship already exists, you should face the problem head-on and not expect a baby to be able to solve the problem for you.
Satisfaction in married life almost always decreases after the birth of the first child, pay close attention when you make family plans. But that doesn’t mean that you and your partner will love each other less or the bond of feelings towards your partner is reduced because it has to be given to children.
Myth 5: Undergoing therapy or couples counseling is a sign of your relationship in a big problem that is already difficult to fix.
Fact 5: When you want to go through couples counseling often your relationship does need to be addressed but changing mindsets is the main key. Most couples only undergo therapy when they have suffered a lot for a long time in a relationship. When the element of kindness in their relationship is already severely destroyed.
It is still rare for couples undergoing couples counseling to see psychologist as a means of preventing destruction. At this stage, the new couple has problems in several conflicts in a few months but has difficulty finding effective ways to solve problems together. Not after 5-10 years more of having a conflict that is already very severe.
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Anindya Psychological Practice 