Hi Mbak Anindya, I have been dating for almost two years. Since the beginning of the relationship, my boyfriend did say that he could only date casually because he had been betrayed by his ex-girlfriend. A year ago when I asked him about the direction of our relationship, he said he wanted to pursue his career first. But until now, he still doesn’t seem to want to have a serious relationship. Is this called fear of commitment?
(Cindy, 30 years old, private employee)
Hello Cindy, you’ve been dating your boyfriend for almost two years, but he seems hesitant to pursue a serious relationship because of being betrayed by his ex-girlfriend. This fear of commitment is a real condition called Commitment Phobia that can result from childhood or adult trauma. It can make it difficult for someone to build trust and closeness with others.
When someone we love betrays us, it can be very painful and takes time to heal. This can cause a disconnection between our feelings and what we believe should happen. People with commitment phobia often have difficulty showing affection to others because they’re too busy trying to keep their own world from falling apart.
Commitment phobia can also feel confusing because it’s accompanied by feelings of anxiety, which can make people choose to end or avoid relationships altogether. However, it’s important to note that anxiety and excitement can feel similar in the body.
While it’s natural to fear disappointment when opening up to others, it’s also important to remember that avoiding emotional connections can make our lives smaller and less fulfilling. It’s essential to be open to new experiences and understand our intuition.
If your partner is struggling with commitment phobia, reassure them that they can learn to love and trust again. Encourage him to seek psychologist help if needed. Consider joining him for counseling sessions to support him through this.
Anindya Psychological Practice 